


so quiet when the pain comes

by tardisofcamelot



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Pining, Sad Harry is Sad, wedding angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 07:49:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12700542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisofcamelot/pseuds/tardisofcamelot
Summary: The sound of two rings dropped onto a palm is far louder to Harry's ears than it is to anyone else's, and yet, Harry stays right where he is.





	so quiet when the pain comes

_You sit, and you stir,_  
_you grieve and you grieve._  
_The longer you sit at the ocean_  
_you lose more time than you think._

\---

It's in the  _clink_ of their glasses joining in a toast, amber liquid sloshing against the sides only to settle back down. In the way he tells Eggsy to look in the mirror, asking the younger man what he sees. In the words of assurance spoken with certainty. It is in his smile-- a thing of watered-down emotion seeping through, only the barest hint of the flurry in his chest coming to the surface-- offered in an attempt to comfort the other.

He struggles against the waves crashing around him. Breathes. 

It is the one thing that Eggsy cannot take note of in this moment, not even with eyes trained by years of experience and a honed sense for reading into the people around him.  Harry knows what Eggsy is capable of, knows how Eggsy  _sees_ , and he uses it to his advantage now.

Harry keeps his distance as he directs his gaze onto Eggsy's reflection.  _Oh,_ his mind supplies,  _you really haven't any idea, have you?_  

\---

Harry stands at Eggsy's side as they both watch the church doors open, sunlight spilling onto the floor and then some, until it seems that the whole of the grandiose hall's aisle is bathed in it. He watches the next moments unravel with rapt eyes, all the while managing to carry a smile on his face. The sound of two rings dropped onto a palm is far louder to Harry's ears than it is to anyone else's, and yet, Harry stays right where he is.

Harry isn't angry at anyone. Not Eggsy, and certainly not Tilde.

He only has his own self to blame, after all. That is how it has been for the entirety of his life; he doesn't see the need to change it  _now_ , of all times. 

When the priest drawls, "Speak now, or forever hold your peace," Harry entertains the thought for a fleeting second. _Would you?_

The prompt reverberates through the church. Harry trains his eye to stare at the white marble floor, as if it helps. In a way, it does; he can avoid looking at the way Tilde's hands are wrapped in Eggsy's, and he can ignore the tight squeeze he feels when he realizes that Merlin isn't there to stare him down and force the damned monster that had eaten its way into Harry's being out.

He drowns in the silence that follows, allowing his heart to go down with it.  _No,_ is the answer.

\---

Much later, in the hours well after the night, Harry sits alone in his office. He nearly wonders if Eggsy had ever felt for him. Wonders if he could, after ten bottles of scotch perhaps, muster more than enough stupid courage to make up for the times he should have replied to those eyes with a soft stare of his own.

Just as he starts to catch his breath to dive in again, Harry thinks better of it. 

_Why change things now?_

In a drunken haze, he doesn't see any reason to. Instead, he lets go of himself, and the waves carry him where he can't be reached.

\---

**FIN.**

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i wrote some hartwin to get the feeeeels out because i've had too many of them brewing up a storm in me for far too long, but of course it ended up being angst (despite the fact that i'm not very good at it, heh). feedback is appreciated! thank you for reading <3
> 
> p.s. title and the four lines at the beginning are from defeater - quiet the longing. i've graduated from sleeping at last songs.


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